Midlife – Best of Your Life!
What - how - when?!
I don’t specifically remember when I realised that I’m a midlife women. I know that I didn’t wake up one morning, look in the mirror, hold my head and scream it out loud.
It kind of crept up on me, starting with a few grey hairs and laughter lines 😉 I remember walking into my GP’s office to be greeted by a locum and thinking ‘Why am I being seen by a teenager?’! I appreciate this may sound ageist, YET that was genuinely when I starkly noticed that I’d entered the world of midlife!
Like many transitions in our lives it takes time to realise, accept, freak out and finally begin to embrace.
If you’ve passed the milestone of 40, you may have noticed becoming more reflective of your life – your relationships, achievements, career, financial status and life experiences.
It may be true that we tend to do this at most stages of life yet it can begin to have a different energy past 40! It can evoke feelings of regret or a sense of time running out - it’s pretty typical.
The general consensus is that midlife spans from 40-65 years. My personal view is that it doesn’t have to be a set age, but rather when you begin to feel it and reflect on it.
I was about 40 when I started to more fully review my life, in terms of evaluation. At 43 I was diagnosed with cancer, so of course my focus shifted to becoming and staying well.
The past couple of years I’ve really begun to reflect upon and digest what it means to be a midlife women in the 21st Century, and how I want to embrace it!
Midlife Mindset
Having faced my mortality a few years ago, I had an awakening. I decided to fully embrace my story, my life and my soul’s purpose. I admit that there have been times in my life where I’ve been too concerned about what others thought of me and my choices.
Over the past few years I have begun to actively CARE LESS and truly live the life I want to. It’s a work in progress for sure.
I lost a very dear friend to cancer during my own cancer journey, she was only 40, It was a massive loss and a wake-up call. This experience made me truly face the importance of living an authentic life and was a stark reminder that this life is finite and unpredictable.
“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many”
I believe that a growth mindset is essential as we enter midlife. When we live life from a fixed mindset, we reinforce all of the limitations we’ve internalized from many layers of learning and self-talk, over many years. Then we are in danger not living to our full potential.
A fixed mindset may tell you “I’m 55 it’s all downhill from here”, especially if life has taken a few twists and turns for you and not quite worked out how you’d hoped.
Yet, with a growth mindset, midlife can be a beautiful and empowering next step on this glorious thing call life! You can begin to reflect on what you have learnt, your skills, life experiences, knowledge you’ve accumulated, successes and so much, much more.
“In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, Oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow”
It’s Never Too Late!
With maturity often comes wisdom. You’ve lived long enough to know who you are, and more importantly, realise that this isn’t stagnant but rather ever-evolving and ever unfolding. You have a lot to offer; Own this!
You’ve had a career or two, you may have children, or like me not had any children, had a life shock, experienced loss, loved and been loved and so much more. Your lived experience has taught you more than any text book could ever teach you.
Please own all of this. The beautiful, the ugly, the messy and fucked-up-ness, and all that the fullness of life taught you. It has made you who you are today.
This is what can make midlife the best of your life. As you fully embrace the next phase of this crazy life, you do so not as an inexperienced teenager, but with everything you have learned during the peaks and troughs and everything in between – You’ve got this!
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition”
If you are wondering what’s next, whether it be career, retirement or social, start from where you are. From everything you’ve been through you are likely to be clear on what you DON’T want. That’s a FANTASTIC starting point. Honour and celebrate that you know what you don’t want!
Midlife Tips:
-Take quality time to reflect upon the gems of wisdom you have learnt up to now. Key skills, knowledge and experiences. Own it all.
- Reflect upon what you DON’T want. Even if you are not clear on what you do want. It’s equally as important to be clear on what we don’t want to take with us into the next phase or to inadvertently create. Be discerning.
- Manage your Mindset – read up on fixed mindset vs growth mindset. Carol Dweck has written about this. Take an honest inventory of where you are. If needed look at how you might improve your mindset. Especially your mindset about being Midlife and any limiting thoughts and attitudes you may have around it.
- If you have a fixed mindset about age, research inspirational women who became successful later in life! For example Vera Wang opened her first bridal boutique aged 40. Louise Hay was 58 when her book “You Can Heal Your Life” was published.
- Check out my next blog “ Mindset in Midlife” (coming soon). In this blog I more fully explore mindset for midlife women.
- Life Purpose & Spirituality Coaching – If you’re ready to take action to make midlife the best phase of your life, book a complimentary initial consult with me!